The other day I went to visit my favorite married friends, B and MS. Before I go any farther, let me please clarify that they have one of the best student marriages that I have seen on campus. They are also the couple I have been able to observe the most closely since coming to college. I love these people to death.
That day was a unique situation, because they took me directly from school to their house; I got to their house at the same time they did, so there was no time for the "lets wind down before people get here and I have to put on my public face again" rituals that most of us have. And so, for the first time ever, I saw the closest thing to a fight between them I've ever seen. I forget even what it was about, probably something stupid and insignificant. And honestly, it frightened me a little. Two people that I thought were absolutely rock solid, getting into a spat like this? Sure, I'd seen them bicker like five year olds before, but always with a very teasing tone. This had none of that in it. What was going on?
And then I realized what I was seeing was a conflict ritual. There was simply tension from the day, and tension from the fact that more people would be coming over for a party in five minutes and the house wasn't clean, and they needed to get it out. And so they did. And before I knew it, they were kissing again like nothing happened. It seemed almost like they had been through this kind of thing before, and had gone through these motions, knowing that everything would be aired out and happy again soon. I think now I understand better how people can have fights in their marriage, but know that it will be okay.
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